The Sports Metaphor:

In sports, when a player or team is experiencing consecutive good fortune or they’re displaying consistent skill, they are said to be going on a streak. Since it’s baseball season, and my Kansas City Royals are decent right now, I’ll use a baseball example–Hitting Streaks & Scoreless innings pitched come to mind.  It seems like there’s this sudden breakthrough.  Whether it’s the first hit or the first scoreless inning, streaks have a definite beginning…and a definite end.  It’s clear to you and everyone around you when you are no longer “streaking”. Just like in the movie Old School, there was a declaration, and a definite beginning point, when Frank the Tank exclaimed, “We’re going streaking!” and everyone also knew exactly when Frank stopped streaking. The opposite of a streak is a slump. The beginning and ending points of slumps are typically just as easy to point out.

Life Application:

The past 3 years of my life, I’ve been on a streak. Passion, purpose, direction, enjoyment, learning, & relationship-building were all things on which I thrived. Things were falling in line every step of the way. The sky was the limit.
…Until I found out that my pride was more limiting than the sky. With that limitation came missed opportunity, dissatisfaction, sense of entitlement, and ultimately loss of direction. Instead of focusing my efforts towards those things on which I was thriving, I was withdrawing, closing off, spending time just wondering how & why it seemed to be falling apart. If you know me well, you could probably see it, which made me even more frustrated.

For a little while, it was a challenge, but I thought I had it figured out. Then I got arrested, and that set me back quite a bit. At the time, I was applying to work for the company for whom I now work, but had to withdrawal my efforts until the legal stuff cleared, which took a few months since apparently no one is in any sort of real hurry inside our court system.

At no point during my slump did I ever think, “I’ll never be any good”. I knew that wasn’t true. I knew I had purpose in life. I was created with purpose. I just felt like I was on the cusp of starting my adult life, but couldn’t quite make it over the hump. It was the annoying part of the roller coaster, where you’re being ratcheted up to the top of the first big hill with a series of incredibly loud *clanks*, and then it’s like I got stuck up there. I could see where the fun would happen–where the ride would really begin. (speaking of roller coasters, my roller coaster is nothing compared to the roller coaster my best friend Mallorie is on right now. If you like strength and resilience in the face of adversity, check out that link. If you don’t like that stuff, check it out anyways, or else you’re dead inside)

Thankfully, I have an incredible network of family and friends. They helped keep me from letting my slump get to me too much–being very patient as I trudged through it. I’ve had a ton of fun during these last 8 months that I wouldn’t have had if not for them. If they’re reading this, I want them to know I appreciate it, and I intend to repay the favor with my continued friendship and dedication to them. If you’re a “gifts” person, and would rather I repay you with something of material value, then let me know, and we’ll talk about it, at least. If you’re “physical touch”, then we can hug it out next time I see you, I guess.

Currently

As a batter, I got a hit–not a home run, but I definitely crushed one over the head of the third baseman (I’m a lefty who hits to the opposite field almost every time…to catch them off guard of course). As a pitcher, I stopped getting gashed for runs in the later innings, and got out of a bases-loaded jam for my first scoreless inning in 3 starts. As a non-baseball player, I got a job. Basically that was what I’d been waiting for. The burden of unemployment was one of the heaviest I’ve carried, but it’s thankfully been lifted off. God got my roller coaster un-stuck.

Finances are getting back on track since I naturally love to budget…so long as I have an actual income.

I’m enrolling in classes to finish up my MBA.

I’m finding that old enjoyment out of serving in ministry.

Heck, I’m finding enjoyment out of small-talk with strangers again.

The happiness is back.

The commitment level is back.

I’m out of my slump.

Since I grew up in Oklahoma City, and my dad’s radio in the shop in our back yard never left the country dial, I’m fairly rooted in country music. I can always go back to it–so that’s where I start this progression.

Country – Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw, Bryan White

Pop – Backstreet, N’Sync, Britney, Will Smith

R&B – Brandy, Monica, Tyrese

Rap – Tupac, DMX, Eminem

Punk Rock – Blink 182

Rock – Creed, Story of the Year, Taking Back Sunday

Christian Rock – Relient K, Anberlin, Blindside

Indie Rock – The Rocket Summer, Motion City Soundtrack, Acceptance

Singer Songwriter – John Mayer, Dave Barnes, Matt Wertz, Johnny Lang, William Fitzsimmons

Folksie – Mumford & Sons, Needtobreath, The Civil Wars

Sprinkled throughout this list should be influences of “soft rock from the 70′s ,80′s and 90′s”, and “classic rock”. My mother used to listen to a lot of Michael Bolton, and I’m a mama’s boy. My step-dad loves Led Zeppelin, and therefore I was exposed to it as well. “Ramble On” is my favorite Zeppelin song, in case you were wondering…and “Time Love and Tenderness” is my favorite Bolton song. That being said, here’s a video.

This is the part where I make a guilty pleasure confession, but considering the above information, this should come as no surprise to you. Among my favorite movies, are Step Up 1, 2, & 3 as well as Stomp the Yard.  I probably couldn’t tell you what the plot lines for any of those movies are (okay, maybe I could), but I can remember some of the sickest dance scenes from each one. I can also remember talent shows throughout middle school where my friend Raymond Brown used to do hip-hop dances to standing ovations and demands for an encore.  He started out with N’Sync, but soon moved to bigger and better things. He never disappointed, and was a crowd favorite every year.

I know I’m not alone in this. I grew up–like many of you–in the thick of  a career of one the most influential artists of this genre. I haven’t heard of a dancer out there that hasn’t been influenced by dancing & music legend: Michael Jackson. His mark on this industry has inspired countless hip-hop dancers around the world. If you want to see a great example of how good MJ is at his craft, check out the movie made about him that was released after his death.  It’s called This Is It, and it’s actually a great documentary about what kind of work goes into one of his tours. If you want to see a great example of what happens when someone does what they love, check out that movie. And finally, I leave you with this, as proof that dancing is awesome & that MJ put it on the map:

If you appreciate dancing, architecture, writing, photography, music, or other forms of “art“, there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy one or all of my next few posts.

I’m creating a series showcasing different kinds of art, my favorite artists, and why I love them.

Art is:

the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

I love most art, and I started to ask myself, “Why?”. When I was a child, I drew on things [probably like most children]. I drew mostly on paper, but occasionally I’d branch out and test the white walls of my house. This was before I was sentenced to timeouts and groundings. My graffiti career was extremely short-lived, but the seed of expression that was planted in me continued to grow. Art classes were my favorite all throughout elementary and middle school. Thanks to the best art teacher in the history of art teachers, I recognized that my love for art didn’t stop at graffiti. In those early years of art, we experimented with so many different mediums and styles. There was the obvious, drawing/sketching–learning about forms and shapes, and how to put them together as the base layer of your picture. We also sculpted with clay. I made the sickest tiny-jar-to-put-random-tiny-things-in ever dreamed of by a child, and I used it [mainly for spare thumbtacks, buttons, pins, and other tiny things].

My art teachers began to see the care I put into each project. And as my level of care increased, their patience with my excruciatingly slow pace also increased. They started just erasing deadlines for me [which may or may not have been a good thing...projecting my time-management skills into my college and adult years]–allowing me to work on one project twice as long as everyone else while the other kids were already moving on to the next. The encouragement they gave me led to entering some pieces into contests and galleries in elementary and middle school. I also dabbled in singing and playing instruments. For whatever reason, when I got to high school, I stopped taking art classes, didn’t sing, and didn’t play instruments. I’m not sure why I stopped. I just did. Do I wish I still did some of those things? Definitely. Will I soon try to rekindle old artistic flames? Count on it. I need hobbies almost as bad as I need a job. What my foundation in art created, if not a continuous pursuit of crafting for myself, was an intense love and appreciation for those that continued.

I’m quite certain at this point that my love of art is founded in my love of God, and love of people.

I love getting to know people–hearing their life stories. I want to know where they came from, what their families are like, where their greatest joys reside, and where their deepest pains originate. I want to know how to make them laugh, how to annoy them, and how to pick them up when they’re down. I want to know pivotal events that shaped who they are today so that I know how to best relate to them. I want to be able to have the best possible relationship with a person, and I believe that comes from communication and understanding–both of which can be expressed and appreciated through art. Art without emotion or personality is pretty bland. The more emotion, the better and more accurate the expression.

My love of God through art is of a different perspective than my love of art through people. Simply put, God is THE Creator. He is the master artist that created both the heavens and the earth. Any art that is created, revealed or captured by us is merely a reflection of the creative nature of God, in whose image we were created.

That’s why I love art.

Why do you love art? Any favorite artists that you think I should be aware of before I showcase the different categories? I promise I’ll check out every one of them.

Example: If I take a step in the direction of ship-building, and I find out 3 years down the road that I don’t really- and haven’t ever really enjoyed building ships, then it’s time to pick a new career. To me, that means I wasted those 3 years. They could’ve been spent learning the trade of a blacksmith or a swordsman (are these things still options?).

In my head, I isolate verses of the Bible telling me my “life is but a mist”, and leave out the ones telling me that I have been “chosen for a purpose”–meaning I’ve been a 3-year veteran of ship-building for a reason, and that I need to figure out what it is.  I get caught up with finding my purpose and fulfilling it immediately, when I should instead embrace the process.

Every now and then, I have to remind myself to embrace that process.  I tend to over-analyze situations and create fantastical scenarios.  I have yet to tame my active imagination, and that task will remain at the bottom of my priority list.  I like my imagination.  It helps me do things, like provide content to this site, dress myself in the morning, and figure out what to eat at each meal–just to name a few. But it can also get me into trouble when I over-analyze.

What I’m trying to say is that sometimes I need to calm down and be thankful I’m not in control. I’ll end up where I need to be, and it won’t be an accident–including right here, right now, even if it seems to be unfulfilling.

And I need to be constantly aware that even if I try ship-building and I don’t like it, it’s not the end of the world.  I can always stop, and start something else.  Until I die, it’ll never be to late to start something new.  But something tells me I’d like ship-building.  Just a hunch.

Recently, I got to thinkin’, and by random chance (which is often how my mind works) I started analyzing the whole “resolution” concept.  I found out it’s as simple as this:  Something in your life is unsatisfactory, and you want to change it.

I was really glad that didn’t take very long to figure out.  I don’t like to dwell.  I was in church last weekend and my pastor put it like this:

“If you want what you had, do what you did.  If you want another year to go by apathetic or inconsistent, do what you did.  But if you want something you’ve never had, do what you’ve never done.”

The sermon was about putting God first in your life.  First in your day, your week, your month, your year, and with your heart, mind, soul, finances, relationships…everything and always.

It’s out of this desire for something better this year that I started to plan out my attack on my horribly inconsistent life.  The two things that I neglected the most last year (Bible-reading, praying), are the two things on which I am focused this year.  Thanks to youversion.com, I’ve picked out a 1-year reading plan to follow along with a couple close friends, and I’m establishing a morning routine of reading/praying.

Most people call that a “quiet time”, and even though I’ve always been taught that I should have one every day, and that it’d be so great if I did, I never got around to it.  I know that probably seems like a no-brainer.  As a Christian, the three things that are arguably the most important parts of living out your faith are reading the bible, praying, and only cursing under your breath so no one can hear you.  Here I was, neglecting 2/3 of those.  Okay…sometimes 3/3 of those.  So that’s it, my resolution is to be a better man, and I’m going to do it by reading/praying/keeping God 1st in my life.

So often resolutions are built and destroyed within the first week.  My suspicion is that they lack consistent motivation, like a tiny woman on a stationary bicycle in a spin class constantly yelling at you and making you think she may very well harm your family if your legs stop moving.  Well, my bike-nazi will be this quote by Mark Driscoll written out on 3×5 blue-lined index cards put in places where I can read them and be reminded of my motivation to be a better man.

“My desire as a Christian pastor is to see churches raised up as communities of grace ruled by Jesus and led by his gloriously masculine men who work their jobs, eat their meat, drink their beer, romance their wives, study their Bible, and raise their kids in glory and joy.” (Jer. 29:4-7; Eccl. 9:7-10)

 That’s my leaf, and it’s turning over as we speak.  I think I just got tired of making excuses.

1. NewYearsEve Party- this is easily the first chronological event that I can look forward to.  It’s happening in 3 days.  But it just so happens to also be the most anticipated event of this year AND next.  I’ve been looking forward to this night more than Christmas and my birthday put together. It’s going to be me and 8 other friends celebrating our friendships and the new year by playing Mario Kart on N64 as well as dancing games (Just Dance 2, & Michael Jackson: The Experience) for the Nintendo Wii.  I’ve been practicing…and I’m getting good.
   
2. New Job/Career- Although I don’t know exactly what this new job or career will look like, I’m excited about it.  I have a few leads out there.  We’ll see how things go.  In the past year, I’ve changed my mind about my career a couple times.  It always goes from Church ministry to the corporate world, and back. Right now I have my sights set on the corporate world after testing the waters in church ministry.  I feel like that’s a good compromise.
3. Giving/Saving/Spending- I’m excited about budgeting my money.  Please read on to see what other nerdy things I’m excited about.
4. New Relationships- with a new job and career always comes new relationships.  I’m excited to see what kind of people I meet.  Who will I become best friends with? Who will I probably silently make fun of a little bit they’re around?  Aside from the new job and career, I’m anxious to see what kind of people I meet when I start #4.
5. New Hobbies- sure, I’ll probably pick up old hobbies, like video games, watching whole seasons of shows (two things I haven’t done much of in about 2 years) and disc golfing, but hopefully I’ll pick up new(ish) hobbies, and remain consistent in them.  Maybe more active hobbies like kayaking, rock climbing (at Rocktown), mountain biking, & running.  I’ve done all those things before, but not as a hobby (which I feel is something more consistent).  To me, a hobby adds a lot of quality to life.  I’ll take on as many as I have time for.
6. New Marriage- whoa, not my own! Don’t get crazy.  I’m talking about my friends, Michael Lane and Paige Mullins.  If and when #2 (New Job & Career) happens for me, I’ll finally be able to pay for my plane ticket to their lovely destination wedding.  I’m in it, so it’s kind of important.  It’s going to be an awesome time of celebration with friends in an all-inclusive resort type of place.  I just hope they have pools there.  I don’t like the ocean (or Gulf).  I’m afraid of sharks.
7. New Successes and Failures- I’m looking forward to both.  I tend to learn well from failing.
8. New Experiences- It’s a given that a new year brings new experiences (last year brought jail time), but I’m still looking forward to it.
9. New Found Glory- the band. I’m really looking forward to a comeback.  Okay, that’s a lie.  I was just trying to think of more items to put on here to make it a “Top 10″ instead of a “Top 8″…and now “9″.

So, what are you looking forward to?–other than hanging out with me, of course…

1. My beloved truck may not live forever- this time last year, it was dead & waiting to be sold to a junk yard for $150.  Thankfully, I Frankensteined it with a new engine, and the Big Red Beast lives to this day!
2. Went to Alanta, where the players play, for the 2nd time- the first time was for the Catalyst Conference back in 2008.  This time, I spent New Years in Atlanta for the Passion Conference. I can almost navigate downtown without a GPS, but it’s not something I really want to test.
3. Made 70+ new friends- I went to a place called the Kanakuk Institute to get a better foundation for a life of ministry.  Mission accomplished & bonus objective complete (make 70 new friends [fellow students and alumni] from all across the country).
4. Owned my faith- as a part of the program I mentioned in #3, we developed belief statements on various topics of Christianity, and for each claim we made, we had to back it up with two scriptures.  Mine could still use a little work, but at least now I know why I believe what I believe.
5. Ran the St.Louis GO! half-marathon- this is a bit misleading.  It should actually say “completed” a half-marathon.  My quads started cramping around mile 11, forcing me to occasionally walk limp to the grass and collapse.  My running partner had the same problem, but with her calves.  We did, however, skip across the finish line.
6. Went on a cruise- I went with 44 friends on a Carnival Cruise, made some crazy new friends on the ship named John & Deb, consistently went to a sunrise abs and stretching class run by a blonde girl with an Australian accent, swam in the Gulf of Mexico (didn’t get eaten by a shark), had an old Mexican woman named Efrocita give me a massage on the beach (which was more of a “rub-down”…and kind of awkward), laid in the sun all day, ate awesome meals every night, opened up and shut down the dance club on multiple occasions, and got lost on a small Mexican island with some of my best friends.
7. Was in the wedding of two of my best friends, Alex & Mallorie Dye- best weekend ever. That’s all that needs to be said.  We’re all still talking about it 7 months later.
8. Played the craziest of games with some crazy guys- started my 2nd summer at Kanakuk by working “Uncle Week”, which was filled with 1. hard work, but more memorably, 2. crazy games and competitions.  Unfortunately I can’t be more specific…but they were fun.  A more mild one was a dance competition using Wii’s “Just Dance” game.  It was a team competition, and my team dominated.  It was one of the only team competitions we won the whole time.
9. Floated a river- as a part of my training for my summer staff position at Kanakuk, I canoed a river with 10 of my buddies.  Try to conceal your jealousy, but I will tell you that I had a sweet job.
10. Got my lifeguard & CPR certification- and I did this in my Vibram Five Fingers.  Funny story–I actually learned how to effectively swim during my lifeguard training.  The teacher of the class started calling me “Bear” because of the way I looked when I swam.  After every kick, my lower body would sink.  I was operating on a 1-to-1 kick-to-stroke ratio.  She suggested more like a 6-to-1 ratio.  No one told me I was doing it wrong all my life.  Thanks guys.
11. For 1 month, I twice recieved a cabin of 10 kids to influence (hopefully for the better) with a co-counselor who became a good friend- This job was titled “Counselor”, but it should’ve more appropriately been titled “Temporary Parent/Guardian” since these kids literally become like your own.  My only stipulation was that I only wanted the kids that were old enough to not use the restroom in their bed. I still don’t think that’s too much to ask.
12. Learned how to drive a boat- The first time I ever drove a boat was this summer…in fog so thick, you couldn’t see 10 feet in front of you…let alone other boats on the narrow lake.  Sweet.
13. For 2 months Ran overnight camping trips for groups of 25-40 people- This job was titled “Trip Man”.  I believe it to be the best job at Kanakuk.  Each day was filled with skipping rocks, making food over a camp fire, driving a boat, swimming, jumping off cliffs, fishing, building bonfires, eating s’mores, tubing, skiing, knee-boarding, wake-boarding, hatchet-ing, giving a sunset devotional to 25 kids, pudding fights, late night ab workouts, and hanging out with other Trip Men while we filled our boats with gas to prepare for the next day. Easily the best job I’ve ever had.  This was our daily view:
14. Was in the wedding of two of my best friends, Drew & Kristan Gossen- honored to be a groomsmen to this wonderful couple that has had such a huge influence in my life.  Thankfully, I was able to come down to OKC from Branson for a few days so I could enjoy this.  I also danced it up at the reception with less clothes on than I wore in the wedding…which has apparently become something I do.
15. Went to the weddings of Colt & Susan Johnson & of Robert and Kathryn Thompson- more weddings of great friends!  Forgot to pack nice clothes for Colt & Susan’s wedding, so I just looked like a really tan bum…but I still enjoyed it.
16. For most of 2 months, I slept in a hammock- which was another perk to the “Trip Man” job I had–I was suspended over rocks, 2 feet away from the lake’s shoreline.  The moon and stars were my ceiling, and the steady waves hitting the shore put me to sleep.  Bliss…
17. Learned how to do a backflip- My friends, and fellow Trip Men, Caleb Freeman and Adam McClure taught me how to do a backflip off the diving boards at the pool in our down time from camping trips.  I then proceeded to take my flips to the lake on our trips.  I would backflip off the sides of the boats at every opportunity.  I even did a backflip off some cliffs, then attempted a double-backflip off the same cliffs.  Key-word in that last sentence was “attempted”.  That one hurt quite a bit.
18. Took one of the best roadtrips I’ve yet taken- after Kanakuk ended, I went with one of my favorite people on a road trip to Kansas City for a Royals game (for me), then to St. Louis for a Cards game (for her), and back to Springfield (where we both have family that we love). Such an unforgettable time.
19. Took yet another epic roadtrip- This one was with one of my best friends as well.  This trip was called #Nashvegas2010, and featured stops in Nashville (to visit the Estoks), Memphis (to visit C-Sac), Harrison (to visit T-bag & Mussles), Branson (to visit the Buttons), then back to Springfield.  Thank you, Jesus, for inventing the GPS.
20. Rejoined my awesome family and wonderful friends in Oklahoma City- I’m not gonna lie…I didn’t think I’d be this excited to be back in Oklahoma City.  It’s not the same city I left 5 years ago.  It seems so alive now.  I get to use this time to strengthen my relationships with family and friends that I formed years ago!  I’m very excited, and I’ve really taken a special interest in the KeepItLocalOK initiative to support local businesses.
21. Continued classes towards my MBA degree- Started things off at the Kanakuk institute through John Brown University in Siloam Springs, AR.  This fall semester, I dove into my managerial business courses.  I love all aspects of business, and I’m really excited to learn even more over this next year.  I should be done in December 2011.
22. Joined a somewhat new church family- Same church, new location.  Friends new and old.
23. Went to jail

Verdict: GOLDEN!

P.S. I had to cut down the list to fit the 23-item limit.  Here’s the Honorable Mention list:

1. Sat court-side at my first OKC Thunder game.
2. Went to the first ever KC Chiefs Monday Night Football Season-Opening game–a win against the San Diego Chargers.
3. Awesome internship at FBC-Forsyth, MO.
4. Was the MC at a talent show.
5. Became the small-group co-leader of some high school guys who are studs.
6. Started a blog…

If you’ve had your golden year already, did it live up to the hype?

I’ve now tasted three full days of freedom since I last served time.  This is a glimpse into what’s happening now and how life is a little different.

———————————————————

What’s happened since my arrest:

1. Reported my license plate stolen

Hopefully this same thing doesn’t happen to someone else who might unknowingly have my plates on their car.

2. Got a new license (since I’d misplaced mine) & new license plate

The absence of my license may have contributed to my arrest.  It was just a perfect storm, making things look a lot shadier than they were.  Hopefully someday I’ll get better at keeping track of where my license, debit card, keys, etc. are.  I tend to lose them frequently.

3. Rescued my truck from the impound

Immediately put the new license plate on her.

4. Contacted a lawyer

Apparently I need one.

5. Visited my mom’s office, where I was received like Nelson Mandela…or Weezy

I’d like to say it was probably more like Weezy, except without the justified conviction, and since I didn’t become the president of a nation upon my release.

—————————————————————-

Things that have changed in action or attitude:

1. I assume all cops want to take me to jail

It’s not even that I’m scared of jail…I’m more scared of pointlessly wasting more time and money by having to spend the day there.  It’s so boring, inconvenient & wasteful.

2. I don’t speed as much

This is probably the biggest positive result of the whole thing.  When the result of my last speeding ticket was ultimately jail, I decided that it could happen anytime for any reason (true or untrue), and that I’d better play it safe and not speed.

3. I pay special attention to the exact location of my license

I recently adopted the practice of carrying a wallet; something I’d decided wasn’t necessary this summer.  It worked for a little while…

4. Mildly concerned that I could be wrongly convicted of a felony

It seems like an open-and-shut case, but crazier things have probably happened, and innocent people have gone to jail.  If that did happen, all the credentials I’ve accrued with my undergrad degree and am still accruing with the pursuit of an MBA are all for not.  If it did happen, it’d be likely that the positive impact I am planning to make in the marketplace will take a drastically different route, as I wouldn’t be able to get a job above minimum wage in this town.

5. I immediately memorized my new license plate number, and check it at least once a day

This is the paranoia kicking in.  It’s closely related to the idea that all cops want to take me to jail for no reason.

———————————————————

Some of these paranoias are ones I also experienced after playing too many hours of Need For Speed: Most Wanted on XBOX360.  Good thing I don’t run from the cops in real life, but I also don’t have a super-fast Lamborghini in real life.  Not that it would change anything.  It’d just be nice to have, you know?

Just in case the district attorney comes across this blog, let them know how crazy it is that I’m even in this situation, and how they should probably just throw the case out.  Comment like crazy, please.

***Disclaimer: this is NOT a post about the Biblical accounts of Paul’s (in Rome) or John’s (on the island of Patmos) imprisonment.***

————————

Today, on my way to lunch with my mom, I was pulled over for speeding.  When the officer routinely ran the check for my tag, it came back stolen.  This is the truck I’ve been driving since I was 16, and there’s no way it was stolen.  But the tags…they actually WERE stolen, unbeknownst to me.

“Wells, OBVIOUSLY, we have a CAR THEIF, in BETHANY OKLAHOMA.  He’s climbing in your driver’s seat, switchin yo license plates, tryina steal em so y’all need to HIDE YA CARS, HIDE YA TAGS, and hide ya car keys…’cause he’s stealin errbody’s out here.”

The likely story is that someone stole a car, switched the license plate from the stolen car to my car, then stole my plate.  So today when I got pulled over with stolen plates, the officer had no choice but to arrest me and charge me with receiving and posessing stolen items.

I went to jail.

Here are 5 things I learned from jail today.

1.      If you’re not in the front seat, police cars are not comfortable at all.

My 6’3” self was stuffed into the very tiny space they call a “back seat”.  Also, it may not seem like a big deal to be in cuffs with your hands behind your back for 5-10 minutes, and you’re right. It’s after an hour and a half that it becomes more than uncomfortable. God forbid your nose should itch…like mine did after 2 minutes.

2. You’re actually assumed guilty until proven innocent.

Okay, “officially”, you’re innocent until proven guilty, but there’s a reason they put handcuffs on you and put you in jail.  It’s not because they think you’re innocent.  If that were the case, they’d believe you when you told them you hadn’t done anything wrong.  Wisely, and uncharacteristically, I kept my mouth shut this time.

3. Gang members don’t think it’s as cool or interesting as you do that you’re “really in jail right now”.

Small-talk and smiling were not encouraged by these guys.  I felt a little like Buddy the Elf on his first day of work at his dad’s company.  Apparently, if you’re in an actual gang, smiling is not your favorite…

4. Apparently I was the first person to make a TSA joke as I was getting a pat-down before they booked me.

Me (standing, facing the wall, with legs spread and hands on the wall): “Man, you’re a lot less thorough than those TSA agents…and thankfully your hands are a lot warmer.”  ::uproarious laughter from the men with guns::

5. The worst part of jail is being in a room with a bunch of (in all likelihood) hardened criminals & repeat-offenders…

…which wasn’t anything I had to experience.  Thanks to a phone call from my dad, who works for the sherrif, I was in protective custody and had my own personal cell, so the worst part of jail for me was actually extreme boredom and knowing that my parents were probably freaking out.  Also, it was a bit cold.  Could’ve used a blanket.

————————————

All that being said, it was still kind of scary, and I got choked up big time when I embraced my step-dad who was waiting for me in the parking lot after some very hard work and sacrifice to get me out of there ASAP. If my parents weren’t so awesome, I would’ve gotten to spend the night for sure, at which point I would’ve considered myself to have “served time”.

So that was my Tuesday.

What revelations have you had after you were arrested? (I may not have the right reader-base to be asking this type of question)